How to Coach for Empathetic Leadership
Learn more about coaching and fast-track ICF-accredited coach training.
How is the peak-performing empathetic leader different than the average leader? Leaders who score high on a balanced use of empathy transcend the conventional command-and-control mindset, by cultivating an environment of trust, care, and inclusivity, which builds commitment and engagement. By embracing the emotionally intelligent use of empathy and being open to diverse perspectives, these leaders create healthy, functional teams.
In this article, I will demonstrate the transformative impact of empathetic leadership and provide practical strategies to help your clients further develop a balanced empathetic leadership style.
Empathetic Leadership is the Path to Understanding and Valuing Your Colleagues
Download the Free Report
The Top 6 Factors to Consider When Choosing Your Executive or Life Coach Training
Privacy: we do not release contact information.
True empathetic leadership goes beyond simply having an idea of how a co-worker is feeling. It requires leaders to be skilled active listeners who diligently seek to understand the perspectives, emotions, and experiences of their colleagues. Empathetic leaders ask questions, read non-verbal cues, and take a genuine interest in their employees as whole persons—not just workers.
The leader’s openness to other viewpoints allows the empathetic leader to move past their own biases and thought patterns. The empathetic leader uses their emotional intelligence to perceive and appropriately respond to others' emotional states with compassion. Recognizing that the new hybrid work environment, rapid changes, and personal challenges create a real risk of burnout, they offer support and strive to create psychologically safe environments.
An Empathetic Leader is a Balanced Leader
However, empathetic leadership is not simply an outward behavior. It stems from a foundation of self-awareness and humility within the leader. Empathy is just one of fifteen sub-factors that are measured on the Emotional Quotient Inventory 2.0, the best of the EI assessments. Other elements of emotional intelligence such as the leader’s emotional self-awareness, emotional expression, self-management, impulse-control, self-regard, and assertiveness are just a few of the factors that a leader must use effectively to be a peak performing emotionally intelligent leader. An empathetic leader must blend showing genuine concern for others while also integrating other emotional intelligence characteristics such as assertiveness, flexibility, and decision-making so they can both be recognized as a caring leader, but also one who holds people to necessary workplace performance standards. A peak performing leader balances the many factors of emotional intelligence, especially empathy.
Effective empathetic leaders own their limitations, show vulnerability appropriately, and strive to continuously learn and grow. This openness and self-reflection models the mindset they wish to cultivate within their teams.
Fundamentally, empathetic leaders remember that the well-being of their people is supremely important, in addition to the employee’s task completion and the organizational profits. An empathetic leader will typically show care for their employees, including employee development and career progression. Communications with a balanced empathetic leader are direct, professional, and purposeful, yet also kind and thoughtful. The empathetic leader creates a culture of both care and empowerment, where employees can thrive both personally and professionally.
Empathetic Leadership in Action: Case Study
Lisa, a senior manager at a large software company, epitomized empathetic leadership. During a one-on-one meeting, she noticed one of her direct reports, Michael, seemed unusually distracted and subdued. Rather than simply plowing through her agenda, Lisa paused and asked Michael how he was doing. She listened intently as he shared that his wife had recently been diagnosed with a serious illness, and he was struggling with balancing taking care of her, the kids and work responsibilities.
Lisa expressed her sincere empathy for Michael's situation and reassured him that the top priority was supporting him and his family through this difficult time. She offered for him to take intermittent leave as needed and remove some projects from his workload temporarily. Understanding this was an emotional moment, Lisa gave Michael space to express his feelings openly without judgement. Her demonstrations of compassion, flexibility, and authentic care in this instance made Michael feel truly valued as an employee and a human being.
The Risks of an Unempathetic Approach
While empathetic leadership has been shown to boost employee engagement, innovation, retention, and inclusion, the opposite is true when empathy is lacking. Teams under a leader lacking appropriate empathy face an uphill battle. Most of us have seen an unempathetic leader in action and the pain that it can cause.
When employees are managed by a leader lacking empathy, they do not feel heard or understood by their leader. The implicit message received is that they don't matter as individuals and are not cared about. The resulting sense of depersonalization and expendability quickly erodes trust and psychological safety within the team.
Employees become fearful of bringing up concerns or sharing differing viewpoints, as they cannot depend on an empathetic response from their leader. Instead of feeling they are partners in the organizational mission, they may feel the leader is an uncaring taskmaster, ignorant of their unique circumstances, or doesn’t care enough to listen to their ideas. Motivation wanes quickly and burnout becomes more likely.
This disconnection also allows interpersonal conflicts, miscommunications, and insensitivities to fester, fragmenting the team's cohesion. An unempathetic leader lacks the emotional intelligence to skillfully navigate these issues or provide appropriate personal support when needed. They may ignore or be blind to signs of burnout, creating retention problems. Ultimately, a group led with a lack of empathy often becomes one composed of disengaged, distrusting individuals rather than a unified, safe, high-performing team.
A Cautionary Tale: The Cost of Disregarding Empathy
Jared was the general manager of a busy commercial laboratory employing a group of intelligent, hard-working scientists. While he had demonstrated excellent operational skills in a different commercial environment, he had little experience in the commercial laboratory industry. Like many leaders moving into a new industry, he relied on the operational style he had successfully used before. A problem developed quickly when he imposed a workflow that proved to be impractical for this particular organization. Unfortunately, Jared severely lacked empathy as a leader as well as seemingly having low positive self-regard. He was also extroverted and highly emotionally expressive. This combination of factors led him to be defensive when suggestions were offered, showing outward impatience. Jared focused more on telling other people they were wrong rather than genuinely listening to, understanding, and reflecting the frustration or the constructive suggestions, that the experienced team members were sharing with him. He came across as having little regard for his employees' ideas, experiences, or well-being.
Turnover skyrocketed as employees fled the toxic culture. Those remaining became disengaged and cynical. Although the professional staff was conscientious by nature, the disregard they experienced led to less commitment, less voluntarism for committees and projects and ultimately affected their service delivery and revenue. Other members of the management team frequently heard of problems and dissatisfaction, HR received complaints, and ultimately Jared did not last long in his role.
If Jared had led with more empathy by listening to the employees’ distress, trying to understand their needs, and being more open to dialogue and problem-solving as opposed to diminishing the employee’s concerns and suggestions, he would have saved his job.
Cultivating Empathetic Leadership: A Coach's Guide
For leaders striving to embrace empathetic leadership, working with an experienced coach can be invaluable. Coaches can not only use an emotional intelligence assessment to increase the leader’s awareness of their current emotional intelligence skills, but they can also encourage their clients to use the following strategies to build their empathy:
Practice Active Listening
Make a conscious effort to be present, avoid distractions, and fully concentrate on what others are saying, including their tone and body language. Ask clarifying questions to ensure full understanding.
- Coaching Question: "What open-ended questions could you ask to better understand the other person's perspective?"
Seek Out Diverse Perspectives
Expose yourself to people from different backgrounds, cultures, and life experiences. Actively solicit their viewpoints to broaden your own worldview.
- Coaching Question: "How can you make others feel safe to openly share their thoughts and experiences with you?"
Use Empathy Mapping
This process allows you to examine and articulate others' thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors in various contexts to build greater perspective-taking abilities.
- Coaching Question: "How might you walk through mapping out the thought processes, emotions, and behaviors of someone on your team?"
Be Vulnerable and Self-aware
Reflect on your own emotional intelligence through assessments, coaching, and feedback. Recognize personal biases and knowledge gaps to create openness for growth.
- Coaching Question: "How can you create an environment where others feel comfortable providing open feedback?"
Read or Watch Biographies
Explore the life stories and inner experiences of people from all walks of life through books, articles or videos. This exposure can foster both cognitive and emotional understanding.
- Coaching Question: "What inspiring biographies could you read or view to better understand others’ experiences?"
Cultivate Compassion Habits
Practice small daily habits like doing good deeds, meditating on compassion, or using positive affirmations to build the emotional mindset for empathy over time.
- Coaching Question: "What small daily practices could you implement to build compassion mindfulness?"
By dialoguing with their executive coach, developing a reflective process, and being open to feedback, leaders can enhance their empathy competency and capacity for leading with greater emotional understanding.
Leaders that cultivate empathy, self-awareness, and a deep understanding of diverse perspectives create a safe environment where employees feel seen, heard, and empowered to reach their full potential. As individuals and organizations navigate complex challenges and evolving workforce dynamics, those that embrace balanced empathetic leadership are well-positioned to thrive, fostering a culture of trust, innovation, engagement and sustained growth. For executive coaches, helping clients refine their empathetic leadership skills can be a great source of value for the client and organization.
